I reached Jo'Burg after falling asleep on my flight from Cape Town. Maybe it was the Castle beer or the double bacon Wimpy cheese burger (Breakfast and lunch) but I was knocked out after 30 minutes. Mouth opened. Head jerking. Smh. We finally landed and it is like Roe to Perdition (bad ass movie) trying to get to the connecting flight to JFK. After waking from West bubble I landed in front of security check in and of course I was flagged. Last time It was for my and dust toy where i had to explain to the woman what is an adult toy and where she can order one. Yes, I did. This time let's talk about the b.s. The man took out my two bottles of water, my coca cola that I had from day 1 of landing in Cape Town that was still fizzy fresh, my Lemon Iced tea from my Wimpy burger breakfast /lunch (Ok, my bad) and my jamsss!!! Yasss, he tries to stop me for my jams that I got for a good damn price from the wine estate. No, honey! Called them liquids and then asked if he can open it. I said, Hellllll Naw!! In my Sophia voice. How you gonna stop me for my jams but not my spiced cheese or proscuetto?! My choices : Leave them or check them in. Well since I am not providing you with a late work snack, sir, defiant and determined as ever I will scurry my self back on over to West Bubble and check them in even though the plane is boarding.
Off I go. Tried looking for plastic containers in the pharmacy on the way, no dice. Contemplated trying another security entrance and sneaking them through but in those 10 minutes of time lost I opted to head to West Bubble and check in my carry on bag . I told the agent what happened and she did a rush processing while I shifted items around in my bags and put lock ties on the zippers for my former carry on while praying I will get my bag back after all this fuss. Those jams are the business and I'm bringing them for my mama. The airport clerk told me the flight is boarding already so I better run cause the gate is a ten minute walk from here. Why, West Bubble, WHY???!!! So my just in case you got to run sneakers have now been checked in and I am in these sandals trying to get my life and my flight.
I walk hurriedly with my two side bags that have passed on all 6 flights as a pocket book and a blanket bag and I go through security. Breeze. Passport checkpoint? Huh? Breeze. Challenge: 10 minute walk with four announcements for final boarding. Lord knows as much as I love South Africa I am not trying to stay in Tambo Airport for the night. I scurry and hop on the moving belts, out of breath, being reminded that I need to get my butt back in the gym asap upon my return and I swear if one more Mofo tells me it is good exercise running for things in S.A....... Chile! Two gladiator looking men are also running with me and as I slow down they yell don't you quit. They are heading for the same flight so naturally I told them to hold it for me. Either I'll die after I make it or I won't make it cause I died. Lol, I am dramatic. We hear another announcement for door closing and haul ass. The last thing the passport inspector guy told me after security was Run!! South African Airlines will leave you at the gate with your mouth open. Chileeee! Mouth open, heart burning, and refusing to just throw my stuff down and quit I run and get to the gate with the guys, drenched in sweat only to be asked by the lady agent... What happened to you? She conducts what is probably the 6th (no lie) check on the way to the plane. One thing I can say is they play no games with security. I get through final boarding and exhale when I got on the plane. One minute more and I would be sleeping on a silver chair cursing myself out. Mama, I am coming home! I get on the plane, which is not full at all and many of us are scoping out center seats. I learned my lesson the first time. You get yourself an empty center row of seats so you can stretch out on this 15 hour flight. Got mine!
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